A New Job

So, today I started my new job and i'm catching a lot a slack for it, from family and so called friends. They say it's demeaning and I shouldn't do it. My mother even said that it was just as bad a prostitution. I'm talking about phone sex. The way I see it, it's perfect for me. I can make my own hours which gives me time to devote to my writing. I'm not working for anyone else so I don't have anyone on my ass all the time, getting on my nerves, causing me health issues, and more stress than it's worth. And the money is great. Maybe when they see my first paycheck, they'll be a little more understanding. What I make at my nine to five in 2 weeks, I make in a week doing this. So, i'm helping some stranger get his rocks off. It's acting. I'm looking at the bigger picture here and it's a means to an end. This is going to allow me to quit my other job, and be the writer that I'm destined to be and I won't have to move back home with my mother to do it. I really don't care what other people think. It's not porn. It's phone sex. No biggie...

Plus, I'm damn good at it. 8-)

Friends??

I'm looking at how my life has gone these past few months and I'm wondering, what exactly makes a person a friend to me. Is that person there for me in my time of need? Do we spend time together? Does that person listen when I need him or her to? Can I always be myself around that person? These are questions that I've asked myself over and over because I've always prided myself on being very selective of who I label as my friend. What I've come to realize is that the people I've surrounded myself with over the years who I felt that I wholeheartedly trusted, loved, and cared for, aren't really the type of people who I'd consider my friends now. So, now my question is, as we grow older, experience new things, and go through our ups and downs, do my friends have to change as I change?

Life Changing Decisions

So, what do you do when you're 7 months away from turning 30 and it hits you that you're just going through the motions, living a life that you never envisioned for yourself? Is it possible to have a mid-life crisis before you hit your mid-life? I believe it is but I also believe that what I'm going through is for the best. People keep telling me 'you're young, you're young...you have your whole life ahead of you' but when I look back on the goals and dreams that I had just ten years ago, I feel like I've been holding myself back, afraid of a real challenge, afraid to live the life that was meant for me. Now, I do not know exactly what that life is, however, I do know that I'm not supposed to be unhappy all of the time. Maybe every once in awhile but not every day.
So, I'm going to do something about it. I'm making a life changing decision and I feel so relieved, it's not even funny. Like, once I turned my back on what is holding me back, I see nothing but positive things happening for me. No, I do not think it's too late. I think it's right on time. I have to do what makes me happy and I don't care if I fall down. I'll get back up and try again. I won't be afraid of failure because I can't fail at this. Failure is not an option. From now on, that word is no longer in my vocabulary. So, I'm staying positive and optimistic and I've put myself in a situation where I can do that. For that, I respect myself a little more.

Sunday Morning

For some strange reason, Sunday is the day of the week that I dread most. I use to love Sundays, especially when I was little. Going to church, seeing my cousins, and then getting together with them afterwards. But now, all Sunday feels like is a reminder that Monday is coming and it's sad. Because now, I have the reminder that no matter what I do today, unless I get a call from an agent or publisher, I have to go to a place that makes hell look like Disney World and make just enough money to get me through another week. I have to mentally transform into a person I'm not and I have to stay that person for the next 5 days. It's disheartening.